


Decent

by Entireoranges



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Gen, I suck at tagging, Implied Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Marriage, Takes place more so in the book universe, and not liking it, fulfilling duty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25515274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entireoranges/pseuds/Entireoranges
Summary: Jaime comes to Tarth for Brienne's upcoming wedding and the two of them struggle with their thoughts and feelings.
Relationships: Brienne of Tarth/Original Male Character(s), Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85
Collections: Moody Blues Lyrics





	Decent

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Moody Blues lyric **"Brimful of memories and yesterday’s dreams."** from Celtic Sonant

Jaime could not speak to why he came to Tarth or what he was expecting to occur when he arrived and saw her, saw them. The man her father finally arranged for her to wed, the one she at last agreed to, her fiance was everything Jaime suspected he’d be like and at the same time nothing as he imagined. 

Something told Jaime that this man would never hurt Brienne in any way, physically or emotionally and that gave Jaime great relief. Though he rarely prayed, he prayed he was right about that. 

He however was … boring and dull. In the few minutes of interaction Jaime had with the man nearly caused him to fall asleep standing there at the feast in Evenfall Hall. 

Brienne only spoke to him briefly, just when he entered her childhood home; she thanked him for coming, asked how things were going in Kingslanding. Nothing too personal was requested or given. Jaime knew her better than almost anyone, but now they felt like strangers forcing awkward small talk. He couldn’t help to notice throughout the evening of mingling she did a great job of avoiding him.

He now stood in the guest quarters which would serve as his home for the next few days, sounds from the feast still happening filtering in up to his ears. He couldn’t stand pretending to enjoy himself any longer and had slipped off. He didn’t belong in this world and judging by the looks of the majority of them they didn’t want the Kingslayer among them either. 

He desired leave at first light, before the ceremony. Only if the vessel leaving for that journey was to depart then and not in four days time. Perhaps I can take another, venture somewhere else, explore the islands… his thoughts stop aptrutually at the sound of light knocking on the door. 

Brienne is standing on the other side when he pulls it open. He says nothing as he steps aside, she enters and closes the door behind her. For a few moments they just stare at each other.

“Do you like him?” She broke the spell.

“Who? There are a lot of hims out there in the world.” Her eyes roll, he hides a smirk.

“You know who I am speaking of. Do you like Urias?”

“Urias? The man you are to marry or …”

“Yes him!” Brienne snaps, the fire exploding in her eyes and every one of her pores. Gods he had thought for a time she had lost that ability. This time Jaime does not attempt to hide the smirk.

“I neither like nor do I dislike him. He has the personality of day old porridge.” She is quiet again, looking down at her feet.

“He’s not that….’ He watches her try to conjure up the best word ‘bad.” 

“I suppose not. What of the fighting?”

“The fighting?” She looks up once more.

“Will Urias continue to let you pick up a sword and fight? Or…?”

“He doesn’t wish for me to leave here, he wants me to remain on Tarth. But he is willing for me to train in the yards, to spar with anyone who is willing.”

“Or brave enough.” Jaime adds in a whisper. She is the one who smiles softly now.

“Urias isn’t that bad, Ser Jaime.” She repeats. Trying to convince himself or her he couldn’t say. Likely answer was both of them.

“I pray you are right.”

“Thank you by the way.’ He cocks his eyebrow in confusion ‘for coming. It means a lot to me to have you here.”

“You’re welcome. I had to make sure that…” Jaime trails off.

“Make sure of what Ser Jaime?”

“That this man was at least decent. I needed to know you’d be safe. And perhaps not happy in the sense you or anyone truly deserves but at least happy enough to survive under these circumstances.”

“He is decent.”

“I know.”

“I can protect myself.”

“I am well aware.”

“I’ll learn how to be happy with him. With all of this. It’s my duty to. I have no choice.” Jaime’s heart fractures slightly at the vulnerability in her tone she is desperate to keep hidden.

“We all have a choice.” 

“You and I both know that’s not always true. You have spoken to me of the dreams you had as a boy. And how your father made you abandon them for his desires.”

“As your father is doing?” Her eyes narrow.

“It’s not the same.”

“It is. But may I remind you that he desired me to marry Lysa Arryn. Or Tully as she was known then. I made the choice to take the white robes instead.”

“Me rejecting this is not an option. I can’t run off and join the Kingsguard.” The sadness is melting in each word she speaks. 

“Would you?’ He pauses for a moment ‘if you could?”

“It’s not an option.”

“You haven’t answered my question wench.”

“Urias is a decent man. He’s kind. My father is dying. I am his only surviving child.”

“Answer the question.” Brienne walks to the simple desk void of anything upon it and slams her clenched fist down on it.

“Yes! Gods if I could leave. If I didn’t have my duty to fulfill I…”

“Then leave.” The words even take him by surprise. He is more surprised by her laughter.

“Leave? You say it as if it’s so simple. I am the heir to Tarth. As my father was. Same as his father. Back to the First Men. I will not abandon my duty and place just because my heart burns for another.” Jaime knows by the expression painted on her that last couple words had slipped out without permission. 

“Who?” He questions softly.

“It does not matter. Urias is to be my husband. He’s a dec…”

“He’s a decent man. You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true!” Jaime rolls his eyes.

“You deserve more than decent, Brienne. Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Who your heart burns for? Is it for a dead man that never in a million lifetimes would accept you? Not because of what you were, but because of what he was?’ Jaime takes a few steps himself to be closer to her. ‘Is it that Hunt fellow? That followed you around for a spell?”

“He did more than simply follow me around.”

“But is it him? Is he for whom your heart burns?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does.”

“Why?”

“Because I need to know.”

“Good night Ser Jaime.” She turns with purpose toward the exit, he takes his only hand and grabs her and jerks her back to him. For a brief moment he thinks she might slap him for his actions.

“Tell me. Say his name out loud.”

“I can’t. It matters not.”

“Renly? Hyle? Which one is it it Wench?”

“Why are you doing this? What purpose does it serve?” He doesn’t have a reply ready for her.

“I suppose it doesn’t. Fine, marry Urias. Father him children and heirs. Fulfill your duty. They will be the most boring and ugly children ever.” He regrets it the second he spoke it. This time she does slap him.

“Do you think this is easy for me?! I am doing the best I can! I wanted your support and understanding! Not...whatever the hells this is!”

“You have both.”

“You sure have a craven way of showing it.”

“You extended an invention to me. I accepted. You have come here to my room asking me what I think of your soon to be husband. Almost desperate for my approval. Is that what you want? Would you desire to have it from me? Fine, yes Brienne Of Tarth I approve of this match. I wish you years and years of a boring and decent life.”

“You don’t have to be like this.”

“How do you wish me to be? Look, this conversation is going in circles. If you won’t be honest with yourself then how can I expect you to be honest with me?”

“I have not lied.”

“Perhaps not. But you are doing a fine job of avoiding my most pressing question.” Brienne moves away from him again, not towards the door, further into the room staring at her reflection in the window leading out to the patio.

“Did you know for a short spell I dreamt of being a wife, of having a babe amongst my breast? I would be wonderful at both. At least that's what I told myself. Then I grew and grew far more than a non giant should be. And turned far uglier than one thought could be possible for one to be. The whispers started. The laughter behind my back. Even my Septa advised me when I; if I married, it won’t be for love. No man would desire me. I would serve one purpose and one alone. As you pointed out Ser Jaime. Just fulfilling my duty of having heirs. And perhaps for a time the children would love me, be blinded to the truth of my face. Soon though they’d learn the truth and distance themselves.”

“Brienne…” Jaime speaks quietly after she turned quiet.

“I don’t need your pity. Urias is not as vile Septa Roelle prepared me for. He and I may even become friends. True friends. However those dreams I once held of this life have not returned. At least not with him.” He joins her, places a hand upon her shoulder. She stares at themselves in the glass.

“Tell me who.”

“It truly matters not. I have accepted my role.”

“You should not have to accept your role. You deserve the realm ten times over. Your own dreams and desires; need them be of the past or ones for the future should be yours.”

“Sometimes wishes don’t come to pass. We do the best with what we are given by the Seven.”

“It shouldn’t be like this.”

“But it is. Ser Jaime I value your friendship beyond everything. I need it now more than ever as I am to start this chapter in my life. Knowing you support me. Having your blessing is the only courage I seek.” Brienne turns from the image of him and faces the real thing. Her beautiful blue eyes shining with tears.

“If you really need it I will give it.”

“I do.”

“What if I can’t give it? If I won’t give it? What if I know this life will break you, that it’ll crush your spirit a little bit each day? How can I play games and pretend that this acceptable? No more how decent Urias is?”

“Jaime please.” The absence of Ser is noticed, he says nothing to her about it though.

“And wench if you won’t be brave enough to say it I shall.’ He reaches up and softly brushes away a tear that managed to fall. ‘I love you. As I know you love me. Your heart burns for me. Just as mine does for you Brienne.” She pulls away, refusing to look at him.

“Please don’t do this.” He can barely hear her.

“Don’t tell you how I feel? How can I not? You saved my life. In more ways you’ll ever comprehend. When I’m not near you I feel as if I am being pulled apart. I tried to fight the feelings. Buried them so deep that light could never penetrate it. But you are always there.’ He taps his chest where his heart is held ‘And when I learned of your marriage I had to see for myself. To see if you were as happy as the letter claimed you to be or if…”

“If what?” Her voice is a bit louder now, eyes still downcast.

“If you were just playing the games thrust upon you. Fulfilling your duty and nothing else. I can see you are trying to walk that rope, trying to convince yourself you want this marriage. No matter how many times you say he’s a decent man you deserve more than what Urias can ever give you. I found myself wondering why I came, I almost found myself regretting it. When I saw your smile when near him. Of how I didn’t instantly wish to push my sword clear through him. You do a good job of acting happy. It might last weeks, months, even years? I see the reality though. Brienne, you have told me the truth.”

“It is you who claims I love you.”

“Tell me it’s not true. Tell me that a part of you didn't seek me to come here to help change your mind. To save you.”

“I don’t need saving from anyone!” She snaps.

“I apologize for my poor choice of words. Tell me though Brienne, tell me that I’m incorrect on my assessment of your feelings for me.” Another wave of silence surrounds them, he can swear his heart is pounding so fast that surely it’s making a sound they both can hear.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t say that I don’t love you Ser Jaime, because I do. Gods I do. But! This is not to be. You with the white robes. Serving your King, keeping him safe. Me as the heir of Tarth.”

“I’ll remove them. I shall give up my position. I’m no longer worthy of the job.’ he waves his golden hand in the air. ‘I only took them for her. And she’s no longer here. If she was though Brienne it would matter not. I spoke of choices and I chose you.” Before either one can react or say anything he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Ser...please don’t do this.”

“I don't want you to have decent. I don’t want you sacrificing or killing yourself for a dream that isn’t yours. I don’t want you marrying a man that your greatest hope is that maybe one day you’ll become friends with. My lady you should marry someone you actually love. You should marry me.” Brienne stumbles away, back to the desk and braces herself on it.

“You really are craven.”

“Tell me why not.”

“I am to marry Urias.”

“Betrothals end all the time. He’ll understand.”

“I’m the heir to Tarth an…”

“You shall still be. And I’ll see that I get lordship over Casterly Rock too. We can split our days between both. Or reside here until that Stranger takes us both. It matters to me not; just as long you are at my side. If you wish to travel and roam. If you want to fight once more. Anything is acceptable to me Brienne. I am giving you the choice that you deserve. Whatever it may be.”

“My father.”

“He loves you. Far more than my father ever loved his children. After I speak to him I assure you we’ll have his blessing.”

“You're not gonna threaten to pull out support for Tarth or anything like that?”

“What? Gods no! I will tell him how I feel. I shall tell him of every moment I’ve had with you. Of how I desire nothing more than to have the remaining of my years with you.”

“What of the King?” She never uses the words your son, it’s still silently applied.

“He’ll be safe. Or safe as possible. As I pointed out I’m no longer the best person to serve as his, or anyone’s Lord Commander. And perhaps one day he’d like to take an extended visit to Tarth and the surrounding islands.”

“He’s a nice boy. It would be lovely to have him.” Jaime breaks into a grin and immediately stands in front of her, taking a hold of her hand.

“Wench is that your way of saying yes? Yes that you will marry me?”

“I must be the craven one. But...yes. Only if you pro…” He stops her from saying anything else by kissing her once more, with triple the passion then the first encounter of their lips. After a few moments she pulls away.

“And I can ensure that Urias kisses would never be like this.”

“Oh you never know there has to be something that man is not dull at, perhaps it’s this.”

“It’s a shame you’ll never find out though wench.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope them (especially Jaime) going back and forth on how they felt wasn't too confusing; I was going for them struggling with and trying to understanding the emotions they were having.


End file.
